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In order to remain hip, cool, young, informative, and most of all responsive to the readers, the Rudy Report has created “Dear Rudy”.
THE place where readers speak out. In this section, YOU, the reader, can submit comments or questions to the Rudy Report that will be posted either with your name or anonymously. Where appropriate, the Rudy Report might have an answer or a follow-up comment. However, “Dear Rudy” is much more than just a blog for readers. Here, you can also submit a note if you are looking for a roommate for your apartment or if anybody wants to adopt your dog or something like that. This section might be empty on certain days if there are no comments. So speak out and let Rudy know what’s on your mind! (Submit your comments in the text box at the bottom of this page)
Gay Long Island
Written by Concerned in LI on August 13, 2010 - 5:17 am -Dear Rudy,
what do you do when you see signs like this in your town? I have nothing against alternative lifestyles, but when you are saying the whole island is gay, that is a bit much. Is it time to move?
Concerned in LI
Gay Long Island
Written by Rudy on August 13, 2010 - 5:17 am -Dear Concerned in LI,
thank you for bringing this pressing issue up to the Rudy Report and, at the same time, submitting actual proof. Long Island is a location on the East Coast that draws many people from all areas of society, from millionaires and blue collar workers to value shoppers and crazy (former?) JetBlue flight attendants. However, there is no need to be worried. In modern society, when people say "That's gay!", it does not necessarily mean that something or someone has homosexual tendencies. No! The expression can mean many other things, kind of like the phrase "Let me be clear." (the sentence often used by Obama, which can also sometimes mean "I don't know what I'm talking about, but please buy the crap I tell you."). Accordingly, "That's gay!" oftentimes really means "That's ridiculous." or "That's lame." All of a sudden, the sign you saw on the train makes complete sense, right? Montauk? Lame. Tanger Factory Outlet? Ridiculous (i.e. not one Hermes or Brioni outlet store. Come on!). The New York Islanders? Lame (well, and a bit gay). Chelsea Clinton's wedding? Lame and ridiculous. I could go on forever. What must have confused you about the "gayness" of the sign is probably the second sign right behind it stating that "It's Go Time!" No word yet on whether these football players in the pictures are fans of "come-from-behind" victories. I'm also not sure if the Hamptons are considered gay, but it's certainly a pain in the ass to get there. And then there's the town of Tuckahoe, which... nevermind. However, if you're looking for a real and truly flamboyant gay experience on Long Island, you don't need to go any further than Flushing in Queens: both Mets players and fans are representing the rainbow like true divas.
Best,
Rudy
Joe Montana Shape-Ups
Written by Hank the Tank on August 06, 2010 - 5:49 am -Dear Rudy,
so A-Rod hit 600 home runs. Who cares? I don't. He could have had 600 weeks ago, and maybe another ring as well if he hit more in September. Go back on the juice and hit a 1,000 I say. That would be amazing. But enough about that guy.
I want to know if you have seen the Skechers adverts for their Shape Ups; one of the latest fads here to get in shape. What does Joe Montana Hall of Fame Quarterback have to say about these soccer mom shoes? "I spent 16 years on a football field - it was an amazing time, but also pushed my body to its limit. Since I started walking in Shape-ups, I have noticed an improvement in my core strength, and the pressure on my back and knees has eased." Really, Joe, is this what you want to be remembered for now wearing shoes fat chicks buy because they think wearing them will magically melt away their bubble butts and give them nice legs? Jerry Rice needed some dough. Did he endorse a Thigh Master saying it could make him jump higher? No, he went on Dancing with the Stars. Still not very macho and Hall of Fame like, but at least he got to dance with a hot chick.
So Rudy, I have to ask how much damage does this do to Joe's reputation and when are you getting a pair?
Hank the Tank
Joe Montana Shape-Ups
Written by Rudy on August 06, 2010 - 5:49 am -Dear Hank,
you are making a couple of great points in your frustrated rant. I don't have much to add about your A-Rod comment, but let me just say that the Mets would never be able to hit 600 home runs collectively, even if they were on performance enhancing drugs. Johan Santana is happy when he can leave a game after 6 innings with only giving up 500 home runs. Anyways, you are discussing a product endorsed by Joe Montana, that is not on the list of Rudy-approved items. Everybody knows that the only shoes that will get you in shape are high heels. If you wear them all the time, you get great legs. Forget Shape-Ups. Joe should try 4-inch Christian Louboutins! It's actually shocking to see how Joe Cool is turning into Joe Fool. Easing his knees? Wow. That sounds quite Prop8 to me. I would understand if his chubby daughter, Hannah Montana, wore these shoes. But Joe? Come on! "Shoeless" Joe Jackson would have never endorsed such a useless gimmick (for obvious reasons). Here's also a word of advice for all you ladies out there: You have to actually walk in these shoes! And no, wearing Shape-Ups while lounging on the couch and watching Oprah or the View will not make your extra pounds go away. Actually, this advice is probably futile, because Rudy Report readers are all sexy and don't need stuff like that. Wrong audience. A general rule of thumb should be: If you have the choice between dancing with a hot chick and endorsing shoes that basically simulate walking uphill, pick the dancing. You will get in shape, probably do something that you and the chick will regret along the way, and you will meet Bruno Tonioli. What more do you need? Consider Joe's reputation damaged. Only retiring, then coming out of retirement, followed by retiring, and a subsequent return, as well as retirement (you get the idea) is worse. Oh, and is it just me or is Skechers the perfect brand to come out with "sketchy" products? To conclude, here are few new nickname suggestions for Joe Montana: Below-Average Joe, Never-Comeback Joe, Joe "Play Like a Tampon Today", or Monday Morning Show Quarterback.
Hope this helps,
Rudy
Mountain Dew
Written by Dave Sharp on August 05, 2010 - 5:40 am -Dear Rudy,
earlier today I was handed a free sample of Mountain Dew Energy. I’m sure that previously this drink was not available in Europe due to unsafe levels of caffeine, sugar and dew. However, the good people at PepsiCo seem to have got around these “health restrictions” somehow. Thinking that this drink may now be safe, I accepted the offer.
My heart feels like it’s gripping my ribs, pleading for freedom. I just ran 100m in under 8 seconds. My head is moving like a meerkat that’s just smelt a predator. I’ve got the shakes so bad that someone has just turned the air conditioning up. First tobacco and fries, now this. What else are the Americans going to send us that will slowly kill us while we think we’re enjoying ourselves?
Yours etc…
Dave Sharp
Mountain Dew
Written by Rudy on August 05, 2010 - 5:40 am -Dear Dave,
generally, anything that is handed to you for free by a stranger on the street is likely to be safe. Why? Well, because it's free! Only nice people give out free stuff. Mean people charge money. Congratulations, by the way, for running the 100 meters in under 8 seconds! Only Usain Bolt on Red Bull is faster. Congratulations also on writing a fantastic Dear Rudy while - apparently - fighting for your life thanks to Mountain Dew's unmistakable side effects. If these symptoms persist, Rudy suggests that, instead of consulting a doctor, you should probably enter a breakdance competition. Victory will be a sure thing. By the way, and this is really just a quick side note, do not confuse the drink Mountain Dew with the fee you are being charged when reaching the top of the Mont Blanc mountain in France (commonly referred to as the "Mountain Due"). Anyways, there are certainly more American products that have made their way to Europe, potentially causing harm to innocent people (and I don't even need to mention Aquafina, another Pepsi product, which turned out to be tap water. Why does Pepsi hate Europe?!?!). Another prime example is Apple. Farmers in Europe have long hailed apples as being healthy products with vitamins. Well, try taking a bite out of an American Apple product? Compared to a European apple, biting into an iPod rarely yields more than a few milligrams of magnesium. Not healthy enough! The next big thing from the United States to look out for in Europe will clearly be American cars from revived brands, such as GM, Ford, or Fiat. And, unlike a Toyota, they will stop. Sooner than you like, because of their gas mileage (or shall I say kilometreage in Europe?). Make no mistake, however, Europe has already started its retaliation process against the US, for example by sending Gordon Ramsay to host American TV shows, Russell Brand showcasing terrible (terrible, terrible) movies, or BP keeping the government busy. In addition, Germany sent David Hasselhoff. Let 'em deal with that!
With kind regards,
Rudy